Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
