I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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