I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
