she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize