Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
