My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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