Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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