there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
