I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize