I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
