I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
