I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
