i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
