but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
