Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
