it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize