I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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