I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
