i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
