Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
