have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
