did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
