I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
