if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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