Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
