My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
