Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
