you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
