if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
