The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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