took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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