I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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