It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
