cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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