Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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