What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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