i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
