Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
