I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
