So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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