Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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