i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
