I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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