Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
