Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
