dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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