id be glad to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you had me at cake vodka
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
