my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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