I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
