Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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