I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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