I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize