just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize