You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
