yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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