I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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