margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish my penis had an off switch
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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