I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
