i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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