Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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