We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
