oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
