meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
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Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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