no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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